Lessons from the Dojang

Hi and welcome,

I'm Master Frank, owner of Lions Panzek Martial Arts in Winfield, Illinois.

There is a sentence spoken in homes throughout America every single day.

Usually several times.

Sometimes with increasing volume.

"How many times do I have to ask you?"

Shoes need to be put away.

Homework needs to be started.

A backpack needs to be packed.

The dog needs to be fed.

The mysterious empty toilet paper roll apparently needs someone with advanced technical training to replace it.

Parents remind.

Children eventually do it.

Mission accomplished.

Sort of.

Because there's a difference between a child doing something after being reminded and a child learning to recognize that something is their responsibility.

And that's an important difference.

When children are young, reminders are necessary.

We teach.

We demonstrate.

We remind.

We remind again.

And occasionally we wonder whether the words actually left our mouths or simply disappeared somewhere between us and the child.

That's normal.

But eventually, the goal has to change.

We don't want to spend the next 20 years saying:

"Did you remember your homework?"

"Did you pack your bag?"

"Did you put your things away?"

"Did you...?"

At some point, responsibility has to move from the adult's brain into the child's.

That's when something important begins to happen.

The child starts managing themselves.

Martial arts provides lots of little opportunities for responsibility.

Students learn to bring their belt.

Keep track of their equipment.

Line up when it's time.

Practice what they've been taught.

Bow when entering the training area.

Take care of their uniform.

At first, instructors remind them.

"Fix your belt."

"Where should you be?"

"What do we do before stepping onto the mat?"

But eventually we want those reminders to disappear.

A student walks in.

Bows.

Gets ready.

Finds their place.

No instructor needed.

It's a small thing.

But small things are where responsibility begins.

This is the part children sometimes miss.

Responsibility isn't simply doing what you're told.

It's learning to notice what needs to be done.

That's a much more advanced skill.

Think about the difference.

A child sees their martial arts bag on the floor and waits for Mom to say:

"Put your bag away."

Versus:

A child sees their martial arts bag on the floor and thinks:

"That belongs in my room."

Same bag.

Same child.

Completely different skill.

The second child is beginning to take ownership.

Here's where things get difficult for parents.

Sometimes we're so good at reminding children that they never need to remember.

We become their external hard drive.

We remember the water bottle.

The homework.

The uniform.

The permission slip.

The shoes.

The lunch.

And because we don't want our children to struggle, we keep doing it.

I understand.

Watching your child walk into martial arts without their belt can be uncomfortable.

But occasionally, forgetting something is exactly how remembering gets learned.

Natural consequences are excellent teachers.

Usually better than lectures.

And considerably shorter.

Responsibility grows when children actually have responsibilities.

Start small.

Maybe your child becomes responsible for making sure their martial arts uniform is ready before class.

Not washing it.

We're developing responsibility here, not operating a child-labor camp.

Just making sure it's ready.

Or perhaps they're responsible for filling their water bottle.

Packing their school backpack.

Feeding the dog.

Choose something appropriate for your child's age and abilities.

Then make one important change:

Don't immediately rescue them when they forget.

Give them an opportunity to remember.

Not every child develops independence in the same way.

Some children can remember a three-step routine easily.

Others benefit from a checklist.

Pictures.

A schedule.

A reminder on a device.

Items placed in the same location every day.

There's nothing wrong with using tools.

Adults do it constantly.

I have calendars, reminders, lists, and probably a list reminding me to look at another list.

The goal isn't perfect memory.

The goal is learning how to manage your responsibilities.

If a checklist helps a child do that independently, the checklist is doing its job.

Choose one thing you're currently reminding your child about repeatedly.

Just one.

Then sit down together and ask:

"How can we help you remember this without me reminding you?"

Let your child help create the solution.

Maybe it's a note by the door.

Maybe the martial arts bag always goes in the same place.

Maybe they create their own checklist.

Then give the system a chance to work.

Will they forget?

Probably.

That's part of learning.

The goal isn't to eliminate mistakes.

It's to gradually eliminate the need for someone else to manage the responsibility for them.

Someday our children won't have us standing beside them saying:

"Don't forget..."

And that's really the goal.

We aren't raising children who will always need instructions.

We're raising future adults who will need to recognize what needs to be done and take care of it.

Martial arts gives us hundreds of small opportunities to practice that.

Bring your equipment.

Take care of your uniform.

Know where you're supposed to be.

Help when help is needed.

Do the right thing without waiting for someone to tell you.

Because one of the clearest signs that a child is growing isn't hearing:

"Okay, I'll do it."

It's realizing...

we didn't have to ask.

The backpacks are packed. The pencils are sharpened. The school year is underway.

Now comes the bigger challenge:

Helping children build the confidence, focus, discipline, and responsibility to make it a successful one.

At Lions Panzek Martial Arts, those aren't just things we talk about.

We practice them.

Every class.

One small habit at a time.

🥋 Programs for children ages 5+

🥋 Lion Cubs for ages 3–4

🥋 Inclusive martial arts instruction for individuals with special needs

If you've been thinking about martial arts for your child, we'd love to welcome your family to the dojang. CLICK HERE FOR A COMPLIMENTARY 2 WEEK EXPERIENCE

Lions Panzek Martial Arts

27W239 Geneva Rd.
Winfield, IL 60190

📞 (630) 797-6698
🌐 www.panzek.com

Helping to make you the best you possible.

See you on the mat!

Master Frank